New Work... In Progress

My vision blurs back into the hazy clouds that show no way out. My bed is hard, the springs digging in my back as I grip the cold, unforgiving covers. Tears roll down my cheek and onto the pillows. The bathroom reeks of ammonia from all the way down the hall. Still I tremble, wondering if I'd missed a spot anywhere. It had started out innocent, scrubbing at the tub, trying to clean up the mess of my life. If only he hadn't stormed out, I scrubbed the side of the tub faster. If only I hadn't angered him, my nails had scraped against the side, making a screech I couldn't stand. The red hot fury oozed through my pores and so I pushed the sponge harder and harder. The grime was all gone now and yet I kept going. The steaming water burned my feet and yet I could not help but to submerge both of my legs. Throwing the sponge across the room I plugged the drain and turned the water on full blast. Quickly the mirror had fogged up, much more quickly than normal. Without giving thought to my person, I flung my body into the bath, screaming softly as it burned. Even with a t-shirt and underwear on it had left merciless red marks all over. Why hadn't I listened to him? Wihtout bothering to take a breathe I thrust my head under the scalding water. The heat tormented my face and lapped against my scalp. But through the pain a great calm began, baiting me to breathe in the water. When my air was used up I emerged back to reality. From the shower shelf my Venus Divine razor teased me, gleaming its tantilizing four blades. It had been so long and I'd been trying so hard. I would not give in. And yet still the razor taunted. How could he do this to me? Storming out like he did. But it had been my fault. Why didn't I think? I grabbed the razor and thrust it upon my left arm. I pulled left across my skin until I saw the tracks. Little drops of blood were already forming. Once the curse returned I could not stop myself. Pull the razor across. What had I been so stupid? Push the other way How could I be so inconsiderate? Pull back again. This chain of action and consequence had seemed to go on for hours until I finally realized what I was doing. All at once I lept out of the tub and lunged for the medicine cabinet. There had to be bandaids in there somewhere. Finally, after an eternity, I found an Ace bandage and wrapped it around my arm. Quickly I mopped up my bloody mess and let it down the drain. I grabbed the bottle of ammonia and poured it into the tub afterward, doing a quick rinse with the shower. Sluggishly I limped back to the bed, feeling drained and empty.